she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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