We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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