he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
