i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
