I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Randomize
