my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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