Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
