your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
