so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
