i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
