She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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