she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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