Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
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