I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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