you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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