dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
