Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
