Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Randomize
