I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
