is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
