I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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