yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
