I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize