I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So squirting runs in the family.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
