Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
