I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
