she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Alive.
So much puke
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
