i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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