I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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