so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
This couple is walking their pig around campus
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
