Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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