so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
