gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
