Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
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My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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