the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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