Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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