God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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