he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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