just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
