i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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