The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
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Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
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So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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