we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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