It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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