i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
