I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He passed out mid-signature
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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