I like to think it a success when the cops are called
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize