come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
