FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
