If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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