Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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