is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
