I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
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WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
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I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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