I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
