it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
