She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
