I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
