what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
