just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
