Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
