bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
