My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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