I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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