literally had 100 drinks last night.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
