Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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