she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize