i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
