There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
