I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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