I seem to have left my pride at pride
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
