wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
