nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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