You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
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It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
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Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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